I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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