Why is your signature on my underwear?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
