If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
