Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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