I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
