you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
