he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
