pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
