my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
