Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
