I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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