Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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