im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
