Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize