U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
