Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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