I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
