The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize