i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
