The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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