I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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