Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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