Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
