Betty ford says i'm here all night
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize