ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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