She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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