my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
