The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
