So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
