I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Michael Bay diarrhea
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
