And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
