About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
