i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize