and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
