just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
