Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
