I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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