She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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