It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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