If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
