I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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