I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
