Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
