I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
