she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
