Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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