Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
