I feel great
I just peed on a car
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
