So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
