I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He passed out mid-signature
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
