ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
