My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
