Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
