I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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