We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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