Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
