My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
