You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
