No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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