Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
