great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
