Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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