I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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