There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
