either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
