never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
