I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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