just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
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Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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