Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
