She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
