There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
