Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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