I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
