this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize