how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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