She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
