i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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