she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
