3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She's JV to your varsity
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
