Will you blow on my dice?
I could make wine with my vomit
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Bring me that man meat
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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