shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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