take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
