I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You can't motorboat a personality
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
