Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
