Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
