I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
zippers are such a cool invention
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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