I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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