ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
