Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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